Savory Protein Shake?

Let me tell you a little story. Years ago, I was driving around Las Vegas. I was off the main strip, heading toward the downtown strip, and we passed a little motel. I don’t remember the motel’s name, but on one side of its signboard it said “Elvis Slept Here” and on the other side it said “recommended by owner.”

My first reaction to “recommended by owner” was “I’d think that would go without saying.”

I was reminded of “recommended by owner” this evening at dinner because of two words on the packaging of a low-carb, chocolate-flavored protein shake I got at Costco.

Those two words were “great tasting.” My first reaction to reading those words after tasting the shake was “by whose measure?”

I’m not saying the shake was undrinkable. I got down most of it and it was better than some of the nasty stuff on the market. But being better than dreck is a pretty minor claim to fame. It’s like saying you do fewer drugs than Amy Winehouse (yes, I went there… and they held a parade in my honor). These low carb shakes trying to deliver flavors that really need sweetness just don’t quite hit the mark.

So I thought, what do the best low carb foods have in common? They’re savory. So why not do a savory protein shake and serve it hot? Chili flavor, chicken soup flavor, beef stew flavor? I thought I was a genius. I had to Google this to see if anyone else had come up with it because every diet shake everywhere seemed to be trying to be a dessert.

I searched for the phrases “Chicken Flavored Protein Shake” and “Chili Flavored Protein Shake”. As exact phrases, only “Chicken Flavored Protein Shake” turned up a result, which was a guy wondering why no one makes this product. “Chili Flavored Protein Shake” turned up nothing. I tried “Curry Flavored Protein Shake.” Again nothing. “Savory protein shake” as an exact phrase returned 6 results. Google has 847,000 results for “protein shake.” When you add the word “savory,” you kill 846,994 of those. The phrase “meat protein shake” turned up 8 results, but all save one was a list where “meat” came before “protein shake” with a comma in-between. The one real result for “meat protein shake” and the others for “meaty protein shake” were all gross and had to do with bodybuilding.

I did eventually find a recipe for a savory shake out there. It suggested putting a baked or boiled chicken breast in a blender with some milk. Mmmmm. They said it tasted like chicken soup. Chicken soup that’s “recommended by owner” maybe.

If I was going to do a shake that tasted like chicken soup, I’d cook chicken thighs (you can get packs of skin-on, bone-in thighs at Costco and save the skin for gribenes) with some broth, some onion and celery. Then I’d strip the meat from the bone, pour off some of the broth, toss in a little cream, and hit it with a good stick blender.

But it occurred to me that a hot, savory protein “shake” is basically soup. You can thicken it up by pureeing everything, but that might make it less palatable rather than more. Pureed veggies can be rather nice in soups. Pureed meats… Not so sure. I mean I could try to make some meat glop, using broth or heavy cream to thin it without adding too many carbs, but a thick meaty glop… well, maybe there’s a reason why meat shakes aren’t sweeping the nation.

I thought maybe ground beef chili with pureed vegetables for thickening might do the trick, but then you have to chew your shake and that just doesn’t work. Shakes shouldn’t be chewy. The only time that’s seemed passable is if there’s an occasional piece of fruit that escaped the blender blades in the shake or when I got tapioca pearls in my bubble tea. And bubble tea with tapioca pearls is not just sweet, it’s a carbonuclear warhead aimed right at your bloodstream.

BTW, I checked Google, and “carbonuclear warhead” returns zero results. Maybe I should trademark it and charge people for saying it.

But back to the topic at hand… savory shakes. I don’t know. I’m tempted to experiment with some protein powder and some broths and spices, but not actually put meat in it. I’m also tempted to go make up another big pot of chili and let the whole savory shake idea go. We’ll see. But I think I’ll generally be avoiding the sweet protein shakes that taste like they’re “recommended by owner”.

This entry was posted on Monday, February 9th, 2009 at 12:36 am and is filed under The Diet. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.