Did some quick calculations in my head today while taking a shower. There are two main milestone dates that I’d like to have reached my goal by, either my birthday in October or the 1-year anniversary date of the diet.

I have 70.5 pounds to go and my birthday is 27 weeks away, meaning I’d have to average 2.6′ish pounds a week. That’s a pretty rapid clip and while my current average is 2.68, and I dropped 3 last week, sustaining a loss rate like that is going to be pretty difficult. Furthermore, to keep up that pace, I’d probably have to do things I can’t (or won’t) keep up long term, and one of the points of this whole adventure is to build new good habits that will last after I’ve reached my goal weight.

The 1-year anniversary, on the other hand, is 41 weeks away. I calculated 1.75 pounds a week. The calculator’s coming up with a hair under 1.72. That’s a lot more possible, although even that may be a bit aggressive. A good, healthy goal, is 1-2 pounds a week. It’s in that range, but it’s near the upper end. There may be weeks I exceed it and weeks I don’t meet it. It’s possible I could average it. If I do average it, that will put me at 206 by my birthday, which will be my lowest weight since I tried Fen-Phen in early 1997 and lost 22 pounds before going off it due to safety concerns. That would be my lightest in 12.5 years.

When I finally reach 197, it will mark the weight I got down to when I tried Nutrisystem after my 21st birthday (going from 221 to 197 before derailing). So the moment I hit 196, probably sometime in December, it will be the lightest I’ve been in around 20 years. Wow.

Well, even with my belt on the last hole, my pants were falling down, so I had to switch to a belt I’d been wearing the last time I was in my 260s for any extended period of time (before I quit smoking and gradually gained 20 pounds).

This belt had always been a little tight and I never wore it deeper than the first hole, but it worked. Now I’m wearing it on the 2nd hole and have three more to go before I have to buy a new belt.

Depending on the cut, my 44-inch-waist pants are ranging from loose (WalMart “Faded Glory” brand) to falling off (Old Navy). I found a pair of 42-inch-waist Lee jeans in my closet, which are a smidge tight, but my “goal pants” (a pair of Calvin Klein casual pants) fit great in the waist and can even be taken off and put on while buttoned and zipped. A pair of Ralph Lauren relaxed fit cargo pants with a 40-inch waist, which I’ve had pretty much since my waist crested the 40-inch mark around 11 years ago, are only a little bit snug in the waist, but not uncomfortably so.

It just goes to show how different designs/cuts can make pants fit so much differently.

Of course, I have pants issues. I’ve got a long torso and relatively short legs, so many pants that “fit” tend to be too short in the crotch. So when I stupidly buy pants that won’t be too long at the ankle, they tend to be too short in the crotch, so the Calvins and the Lee Jeans are both bunching in the crotch, but the 40-inch Ralph Lauren cargos (which have a 2-inch longer leg and really are “relaxed” fit) are going to be nice and wearable in a couple of weeks. I could also probably find some 40-inch-waist Old Navy jeans that will fit then too. And hopefully those pants will carry me until the next milestone: 36-inch-waist-pants.

This is a cool confluence of events. On the day I had my first date with my wife, I weighed myself and I was 253 pounds. The 7th anniversary of that first date is this week, and this is the week I hit that milestone. Strange, but cool.

Now 3 pounds is a big leap from prior weeks (lost 4.5 pounds in the prior 4 weeks). Was I extra tight on my food intake or food choices? Nope. Did I exercise more? A little, because the weather has been nicer. Did I cheat more or do more to shock my system? Not really. I’ve relaxed the carb restrictions a bit more, but am trying to keep to reasonable portion/calorie restriction and keep to whole grains, veggies, and foods with a low Glycemic Index value.

My wife brought home donuts on Friday, thinking it had been a stressful week and we could both use a treat. Normally, I’d gobble that donut with a big glass of milk. But I’ve become a bit like Elaine in that episode of “Seinfeld” when she’d judge guys on whether they were worth using part of her hoard of contraceptive sponges, asking herself if they’re “spongeworthy.” For a minor cheat, there’s no problem, but when I’m going to take in that kind and quantity of sugar and white flour, I’d have to take an extra shot of insulin. So I look at certain cheats and ask myself if they’re “shotworthy.”

The donut was not shotworthy. On Saturday I weighed myself because my mom and step-dad were going to be coming by and I wanted to have the latest numbers when they asked “how much weight have you lost”. I weighed in at 254 and was happy. Even if that had persisted until today, it would have been 2 pounds for the week, which is a good number.

I wasn’t expecting 253 this morning. I’m not expecting 250 next Monday. I’d love to see 250 next Monday, but I’ll be happy just being under 251.5 next week.

Twice when I’ve lost weight before, I stalled out in the 250s and then eventually crawled my way back up to the 280s, so being in the 250s for so long is a bit annoying. I want to be down into the mid-240s, far enough away that even a fluctuation won’t pop me up above 250. Then I’ll start to feel safe.

On the good side, the needle moved and by more than a simple half pound. I cheated a bit on Thursday (footlong Subway tuna sub at lunch, couple of Taco Time tacos at dinner), and then yesterday… Well, I had “bad carbs” at lunch but it’s hard to call it a cheat. I took my eldest boy to Burger King to get him out of the house and because they have this indoor play tower. I was going to have one of their salads, but they just looked sort of nasty, so I had the small “burger shots” value meal. That’s basically two little sliders and a medium fries, and I didn’t eat all the fries. The two mini-burgers were 220 calories and I only ate about 1/2-5/8 of the fries, which puts the meal at around 500 calories, and I just can’t call a 500-calorie meal a cheat.

It was tempting to get the 6-shot meal. Quantity appeals to me, even now that my “stomach shrank” and I get full faster. And sometimes the choice to order the smaller size is difficult. I know, somewhere in my head, that if I give it time to sit after I eat it, the smaller size will register and I’ll stop being hungry and feel sated. I might not feel full, but I’ll feel not-hungry. But it’s like knowing that smoking is bad for you and wanting a cigarette. I’ve been having some stress lately and a couple of days ago, even though I’m two months away from having been quit for two years, I wanted a cigarette. The physical addiction is long gone, but all those years of training myself to reduce stress by having a cigarette are more powerful than the addiction.

I’ve trained myself to eat large quantities, and just like the habitual behaviors of smoking, the habitual behaviors of ordering the mega-mondo-bagooley meal at the restaurant still rear their ugly head. For example, with the tacos on Thursday, I was going to order two. But as I was sitting in the drive-thru lane, waiting for my turn at the speaker, there was a commercial on the radio saying they were doing “buy two, get one free”. Now how am I going to turn down a free taco? I didn’t eat that third taco because I became 50% more hungry. I ate it because it was free. I’m so ashamed.

Back to Sunday… Dinner was a bit different. I seem to be watching more food porn than ever nowadays. During the week, I’d watched a Guy Fieri cooking show where he made falafel, then watched “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives” where he went to a falafel stand in San Jose. I just got a hankering for falafel. So I looked up some recipes for an eggless, oven-baked falafel, tried one, butchered it all to hell, and came out with mushy mess that didn’t taste bad but was just so far from right. So my falafel dinner was in the trash and there was a coupon for 30% off from Jet City Pizza (one of the better pizzas in the Seattle area)… I did, however, limit myself to two slices, which is about half of what I’d normally have. So while it wasn’t particularly “on the diet”, it was part of the exercise in modifying my eating habits for the long term.

I’m starting to find a comfort zone with eating better… better ingredients, better portion sizes. And I realized that if I wanted to go back to super carb restriction and trying to kill myself with exercise, I could lose a couple more pounds a week. And there may be some weeks where I just do that or where my body and my diet seem to get in sync, and the needle moves 2.5-3.5 pounds. There are also going to be weeks where I lose 1.5 pounds like this one, and maybe some ones where I lose a half-pound. But if I’m dieting in a way I can live with, in a way where I’m not having to feel like I’m “on a diet,” but just living more healthy instead, and the needle keeps moving, I’m going to be happy.

I’d love to be at my goal weight by summer, plus have massive amounts of muscle tone and rippedness. I’m sure that if I started taking all sorts of expensive supplements, went and spent 3 hours a day in the gym, and ate nothing but chicken breasts, eggs, spinach, and carob, I might reach that goal. But that’s not a lifestyle I can or want to maintain.

My view from 25 years of watching my weight go up and down: never go on a diet you can’t stay on the rest of your life. Anything you do temporarily is going to have temporary results. So while there are more extreme things I could be doing right now to maximize my weight loss, their main downside is their extremity and impossibility to maintain long term. I could be doing better, but I’m happy to be making progress and moving the needles on various health factors while eating in ways I feel I can stay with long after I reach my goal weight and I don’t “have to” eat that way.

Okay, this could be discouraging. I’ve been better on my diet this week and I got more exercise. Could I have exercised more? Yes. Could I have eaten less or eaten smarter? Yes. But I was better than recent weeks where I’ve lost more. Sigh.

My diet’s feeling a bit like my job search. I’m trying and doing many of the right things, but nothing’s happening. It’s all a bit depressing. But there’s no way I’m quitting either one. I can’t afford to quit either one.

One of the reasons I’m not quitting my diet is because of how good it’s been for my blood sugar levels. I like not having to take an insulin shot at every meal. Eating smarter means less sticking myself with a needle, so even when the scale is being stubborn, there’s a very immediate and gratifying reward to eating less refined carbs, more veggies, and more whole grains… not having to take shots.

Honestly, I’m thinking the plateau I thought I’d broken was just being approached. I’ve approached 257 before and stopped there, so I know I have a set-point around here that I have to break through. I thought I’d done that a couple of weeks ago, but that wasn’t the case. It’s frustrating to be good and lose a half a pound, but what’s the alternative? Giving up?

If I give up, I’m saying yes to increasing pain, decreasing mobility, and more trying to solve my problems through pills and shots instead of behavior modification. I’m not about to give in to that.

So I’ll just plug along. Anyway, the longer I do this, the more time I spend trying to have good behaviors and reinforcing them so they have a chance to become good habits. Still… half a pound in two weeks. Sigh.